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Get Out There and Do Your Thing

7/22/2016

3 Comments

 
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I've long been an independent / loner who prefers solitude over groups. For years now my counselor has been encouraging me to get out in the world and play well with others. Yikes. That's a tall order for someone who is happy being in my own world, and a bit reticent to put my foot in the path of others. It's always been easier for me to relate to (and trust) animals, nature and my own mind. I know how to look like I'm enjoying others and indeed, sometimes I do! But if given a choice, chances are high I'm going to want to be alone, even in the midst of crowds, museum tours, restaurants, athletic events, shopping... you get the point. My counselor asked me to consider the effects of my behavior over the long haul. He asked me if this loner lifestyle was truly healthy for my mental and physical growth as I enter the last lap of life. Research does indeed show that as we age, it is important to have community, human touch, and connections. Apparently our brains and our bodies need one another even if only to shake a hand, exchange a greeting or give a high five. Those tiny behaviors aren't difficult for me to do, I just don't think about doing them that often. So... I made a decision this summer to put myself out there and join a group within which I felt I'd have a halfway decent chance of being accepted; a group I thought I'd enjoy. Seven weeks ago I joined a rowing club in my hometown. I love it. The people are kind, helpful and joined together by a common love for the sport of rowing. And therein lies the sweet spot. Tony Attwood has long told our community it is often easiest and most effective to belong to groups that share a liking for a passion. In those groups, personalities fade in comparison to the talk of the event, the sport, the creating of whatever it is we like. As per his usual, Dr. Attwood is correct. In rowing, we talk about rowing. The dialogue doesn't flow into politics or religion or what we do for a living or if we're married or anything really beyond- how do I get a good stroke, how do I hold the oar properly, or should I pop this blister now or wait until it calluses on its own! 

My new enjoyment in an activity that brings people together around individual abilities mixed in with a group effort, is turning out to be grand. Until now, I've only shared a love for socializing around the horse world. Now, I can add a love for rowing, too. And in these two events, I find community that doesn't require me to give up who I am, pretend to be 'normal', or fake my way through. At almost 57 years old, I can unequivocally say, I am having fun and I am learning that indeed, some socializing with human beings can be advantageous to my mind and my health.  

I encourage you to find something you like that is not computer bound (eek! Scary, I know...) rather it be quilting, swimming, birdwatching, collecting stats for sporting events, working with animals, rowing- anything you like - and see if you agree you can connect to and enjoy a new layer of life without exhausting your stress level or your individuality.  ​
3 Comments
BL
7/22/2016 12:07:58 pm

This is the absolute truth. Mankind is not meant to live in isolation.
Go forward, seek out your interest and find your tribe!
It will help your health and increase your comfort with social skills.
You Go Girl!!

Reply
Kmarie
7/22/2016 12:37:45 pm

I am so glad you have found something that honours you while also giving enjoyment. I am actually not impressed with the advice your counsellor gave in the regard for studies shown ect. Anyone can find evidence to back up their values. I often find the studies cited about human kind needing others to feel healthy or age well are either funded by places that need this community to feed our society or by extroverts or sensors who need to have this to be healthy. In other words- I feel it depends on context and while indeed community can be integral to well being, with certain types a hermit lifestyle can be optimal, make life worth living and aid in health and wellness. I feel doctors and counsellors often say this because their very fabric of existence is based upon this foundation. They could not have patients without society's expectations of community. We would not have half the organizations we have or our lifestyle today so it is highly recommended...but it is unfair to the very minority of people whom this is mostly untrue. Where we are happier and healthier mostly alone with the occasional commune with others ( and the computer is not a bad place for this either if it fulffulls.) Social skills do not make for a good life. I know many well skilled people who are engaged in all the considered proper excursions and they seem good but when I know them deeper I find a lot of discontent, disillusionment, boredom or insane business....stuff that I as a hermit do not ever have issues with in my healthy self. I am so glad you added the individuality and enjoyment at the end as we all have different strokes for different folks:)

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Liane link
7/22/2016 03:01:01 pm

Good points Kmarie. I should have added my counselor suggests I get out and about because I have a desire to stay somewhat social and when I stay inward too long, my social skills weaken and with that, my anxiety rises. My dear father was a loner but he did grow to need some form of human touch as he aged. Just holding his elbow was enough. I think the studies on human attachment disorder are rather rigorous and I like to think my docs are here to help me but I appreciate your opinions and applaud your self-knowledge. Different strokes for different folks is an important mantra!

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