I've long been an independent / loner who prefers solitude over groups. For years now my counselor has been encouraging me to get out in the world and play well with others. Yikes. That's a tall order for someone who is happy being in my own world, and a bit reticent to put my foot in the path of others. It's always been easier for me to relate to (and trust) animals, nature and my own mind. I know how to look like I'm enjoying others and indeed, sometimes I do! But if given a choice, chances are high I'm going to want to be alone, even in the midst of crowds, museum tours, restaurants, athletic events, shopping... you get the point. My counselor asked me to consider the effects of my behavior over the long haul. He asked me if this loner lifestyle was truly healthy for my mental and physical growth as I enter the last lap of life. Research does indeed show that as we age, it is important to have community, human touch, and connections. Apparently our brains and our bodies need one another even if only to shake a hand, exchange a greeting or give a high five. Those tiny behaviors aren't difficult for me to do, I just don't think about doing them that often. So... I made a decision this summer to put myself out there and join a group within which I felt I'd have a halfway decent chance of being accepted; a group I thought I'd enjoy. Seven weeks ago I joined a rowing club in my hometown. I love it. The people are kind, helpful and joined together by a common love for the sport of rowing. And therein lies the sweet spot. Tony Attwood has long told our community it is often easiest and most effective to belong to groups that share a liking for a passion. In those groups, personalities fade in comparison to the talk of the event, the sport, the creating of whatever it is we like. As per his usual, Dr. Attwood is correct. In rowing, we talk about rowing. The dialogue doesn't flow into politics or religion or what we do for a living or if we're married or anything really beyond- how do I get a good stroke, how do I hold the oar properly, or should I pop this blister now or wait until it calluses on its own!
My new enjoyment in an activity that brings people together around individual abilities mixed in with a group effort, is turning out to be grand. Until now, I've only shared a love for socializing around the horse world. Now, I can add a love for rowing, too. And in these two events, I find community that doesn't require me to give up who I am, pretend to be 'normal', or fake my way through. At almost 57 years old, I can unequivocally say, I am having fun and I am learning that indeed, some socializing with human beings can be advantageous to my mind and my health.
I encourage you to find something you like that is not computer bound (eek! Scary, I know...) rather it be quilting, swimming, birdwatching, collecting stats for sporting events, working with animals, rowing- anything you like - and see if you agree you can connect to and enjoy a new layer of life without exhausting your stress level or your individuality.
My new enjoyment in an activity that brings people together around individual abilities mixed in with a group effort, is turning out to be grand. Until now, I've only shared a love for socializing around the horse world. Now, I can add a love for rowing, too. And in these two events, I find community that doesn't require me to give up who I am, pretend to be 'normal', or fake my way through. At almost 57 years old, I can unequivocally say, I am having fun and I am learning that indeed, some socializing with human beings can be advantageous to my mind and my health.
I encourage you to find something you like that is not computer bound (eek! Scary, I know...) rather it be quilting, swimming, birdwatching, collecting stats for sporting events, working with animals, rowing- anything you like - and see if you agree you can connect to and enjoy a new layer of life without exhausting your stress level or your individuality.
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