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Staying Calm When Social Media Gets Sassy

8/6/2014

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aspie.com Social Media
The linguistic professor part of me is absolutely certain social media is making life for many of us on the spectrum far more complicated and troublesome than it needs to be. In addition to the cyber bullying that is taking place at warp speed, the simple communications end of the cyber world is creating a vortex where in a new language is arising. This language of new spellings, phrase short cuts, and the lack of much background information around which we can build reliable context, is leaving many of us to assume someone meant one thing in a social media exchange, when in fact, they they meant something all together different. This creates the possibility for a combustible reality that is creating a whole new force of bullies and hurt feelings and loneliness via cyber space. 

People from all walks of life are committing suicide over cyber bullying. This is nothing new, but add in a dose of an ASD and we have an even hotter mess on our hands. So what can we do? Social media is here for the very long run...probably forever. I think this means we really have to change our way of thinking when it comes to our take on basic communicating. First and foremost, we'd best all grow some thick skin,try not to take offense so easily, learn to forgive quickly, and leave lots of doors open for a period of "wait, what did you really mean to say?" or "did I understand you to imply or say...". In other words, we must train ourselves not to rely on our first interpretation of what we receive through social media. 

Just as we with AS learn the regular social norms and rules, boom- here comes Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Flickr, Youtube, Vine, Snapchat (and those are just at the beginning of the online social world!). Now we absolutely must learn a whole new set of language rules with even less context clues to go on. As we endeavor to learn the new rules, I'm hopeful we learn to relax, stay calm and carry on with optimism. In summary...Research the social media outlet you're interested in, before you engage with it. Don't assume the worst. Ask for elaborated explanations before engaging in a debate or discussion you may be misunderstanding without even knowing it. And never ever forget, social media and the people who use it cannot hurt you if you refuse to let them do so. Oh for sure, words and insults and bad photos or embarrassing moments caught on tape, can damage the psyche and self-esteem, but you get to control how you react. My dad used to say, "Let insults flow off your back like water flows off a duck's back." Make that motto your mantra. But if things get really bad, find someone to help you sort out the icky stuff you may well find on social media.

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July 24th, 2014

3/31/2014

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Honesty at Aspie.comWhen is honesty the best policy?











Many days I feel all messed up and upside down. I feel guilt over past deeds I’ve done, even though I now know much of my behavior from back in the day, was heavily influenced by my Asperger syndrome and my inability to keep from being brutally honest.  Yes, brutally. Aspies are known for being forthright, but truth is, honesty isn’t for everybody, especially when it comes in heaps and barrels of too much information tossed at someone who can’t handle any truth, much less my version of it. 

I have so many regrets surrounding so many things I’ve done under the umbrella mantra, “Honesty is the best policy”. I regret the times I told people how I really, really felt about them.  I’m embarrassed over the harsh remarks I spewed and the plates of food I threw at someone I found too irrational to talk to or too annoying to continue to be around.  I am ashamed when I recall the moments when I was rudely vocal in my opposition to an individual’s religious or social believes just because they fought with my own.

Yes, on the whole, honesty is good. But listen. It is also often unwise and also the very tiny tidbit that can get you in one big hot mess. Most humans are sensitive creatures even when they don’t show it, and the fact is being too direct with a person can cause a situation that quickly escalates from a tiny kitten fight to a full on physical assault. I am naive. Always in my mind was the notion I was just telling the other person ‘the truth’ or ‘my point of view’. Never did I consider my words to be fighting words.

But sometimes they were. I’ve been slapped, had my hair pulled, been pushed down stairs, been yelled at, left out of events I so wanted to attend, been intimidated and been shoved and spit on after I opened my mouth to tell ‘the truth’. 

Learn what kinds of statements are considered to be too harsh for others to hear.  Look up the definition of ‘insult’ and memorize it. Practice analyzing things you would think are normal enough statements, to make sure they cannot in anyway be considered rude or ugly, mean or hateful.  Tape record yourself talking about another person, an idea, a political debate or any subject at all, and then ask a trusted advisor to listen to your review of the topic.  See if you inadvertently sent a hate message or said something that could be misconstrued as insensitive. Learn kind words and learn about political correctness. Make a list of words and phrase, and even topics you should not get into under most any circumstance.  Practice the art of friendly conversation that floats around everyday mundane topics and save your perseverating heated truths for those who can handle it. In so doing, you will save yourself hurts and bruises.  And, you won’t risk hurting those you would never hope to hurt.  


www.aspie.com #honestyisthebestpolicy #tellthetruth





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