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Don’t Let New Year’s Eve Hurt

12/29/2014

5 Comments

 
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My in-laws just lost a family member to a very unexpected and unexplainable suicide. The tragedy is obviously beyond words. Caregivers and kind souls from counselors to religious leaders to community first responders weigh in on the heightened risk of accidental or irrational suicide on a regular basis, but never more loudly than during the holidays when people are most vulnerable. Yet, all the autopsies and frank discussions about the person who looses his life at his own hand, will never completely explain why a life was lost. Drugs and alcohol, an argument with a loved one, a loss of house and home- none of the normal passages of live (no matter how devastating) should never be enough for anyone to end their life. That’s the rational side of logic and thought. Suicide isn’t rational or logical. It’s cryptic and stealth. 

I have looked at suicide with more than morbid curiosity. I know more about it than most people. I imagine most of the people reading my blog do, too. You see, there is a positive correlation between suicidal thoughts and ASD. Every time I meet with a group of Aspies, I can guarantee I will eventually hear terrible suicide talk. I’m not alone in thinking ASD’s comorbid issues lead too many in our community down the sad road to suicide. We are more prone to loneliness, poor self-esteem, residual effects of bullying, dissatisfaction with quality of life tied to employment and education struggles, relationship qualms, and then some. Fact is, no matter how well a person with ASD is doing, there will be emotional and psychological sharks infesting our waters.

The religious holidays of December have passed, but New Year’s is calling and its message is often misconstrued to mean if you aren’t part of a party, you aren’t part of anything. As fraught with lies as it is, the message is strong like a barnacle. Once it grabs hold, loads of fast scraping is needed.

I’m not in a good enough mood to write about something as bad as suicide, so I’m turning the topic over to Ginger Voight, a bestselling author and screenwriter who handles the subject very well in her ehow column and in her blog. Check them out (and take a peek at her books- they are fun rubenesque romance novels that make a fun New Year's Eve read!)

If the New Year’s Eve hustle is hurting you or anyone you know- call a first responder or depression help line NOW. And remember, the anybody who’s anybody will have fun on New Year’s idiom, is a crock of cow pies. There is nothing special about New Year’s except for the new calendar it brings.
5 Comments
Rebecca Simmons
12/30/2014 01:07:59 am

Well said, Liane. As you told me upon our recent visit, you never know who or how you touch other's lives...your words are beautifully written and always flow beautifully.

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Liane Willey link
1/4/2015 01:10:31 am

Thanks, Sis, for your thoughts and for reading my blog. :-) xx

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Paul link
12/30/2014 02:24:05 am

Hello Liane , can I suggest that all the "qualities" mentioned that affect people in a negative way are as much a part of neuro typical life and not an Autism trait. Depression is not caused by Autism it is caused by a lack of community, lack of acceptance, lack of friends, lack of money, lack of self belief, this is a part of the modern world. I consider services to affect the problem and community to affect the solution. I am motivated by your self affirmation verses, they are an essential part of being human. Liane, thanks for all you share. Happy New Opportunities in 2015

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Liane Willey link
1/4/2015 01:09:06 am

Great points, Paul. Goes to the point that people with an ASD are not that different from anyone else. We are all vulnerable humans. I do bring attention to the ASD world as regards depression, because we loose such a high majority of our community to despair and beyond. Neurotypicals tend to have a better resource net to lean on and a better track record of tapping into said resource net. But yes, every person can find depression. I've a great interest in the genetic predisposition to depression. Here's a nifty little paper on that. http://depressiongenetics.stanford.edu/mddandgenes.html
Thanks for your spot on comment and kind words.

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Lori Sealy link
1/7/2015 12:40:42 am

Liane,

I'm discovering your site today (after discovering a message we swapped with one another several years ago!) and am beginning to peruse the blog. I look forward to reading your words. Thanks for this post. It is an important one for people to ruminate upon.

As a gal on the spectrum, one whose mind is deeply philosophical, one whose soul is keenly aware of the neurological disconnect that ASD brings to the attempt at plugging into life, I GET what you're saying. Like you, I find this conversation coming up over and over again among the women with ASD who cross my path. (So many thoughts on this issue flood my mind and wish to flow out of my font, but I shall exercise great self-control!)

A couple of years ago I read a stat in Psychology today that said those who live on the autism spectrum are 29x more likely to commit suicide than the neuro-typical. The statistic is staggering and I think it shows that while all humanity does indeed have moments of battling this behemoth, there is something unique about the manifestations of this macabre musing among those with ASD.

It's a struggle that I have known all too well. As a teenager I came close to unplugging from this world at least 10 times, and I find those moments of morbid ideation creeping upon my psyche too often, even in my middle aging years.

It's as if those ideations somehow manufacture an improper promise or a siren's song of rest from the ever present autistic restlessness. My mind, my body, my spirit - they don't seem to understand how to rest amidst the sensorial storm - and yet they long to rest.

The continual battle to fit my multi-faceted and slightly warped ASD peg into the somewhat smaller and perfect "seeming" NT round hole of existence can be wearying.

The exhaustion of autistic existence can take its toll. How thankful I am that a grace outside of myself has kept me even when I haven't cared to keep myself and has caught me when I've come close to casting myself aside.

I remain here (by that grace) wired as I am, weak as I am, weary as I am - wonderfully fashioned amidst that weak and weary wiring as I am - learning the gift of contentment, patience, hope, and tenacity.
And somehow I find myself steadied by the counterintuitive anchor of the very thorn that would often seek to slay me. I'm learning to give thanks for my autism and as I learn to give thanks I'm finding the wreck redeemed and hope rising out of the ashes.

Thanks for sharing honestly. May your words continue to increase understanding and may understanding serve as a catalyst for hope.

By grace,
Lori

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