Custody and Autism – Not an Easy Bridge to Build or Cross

4/9/2015

It is essential to carefully consider the effects of a divorce and custody arrangements in all cases where minor children are involved, but this is particularly true when there is reason to suspect there is a child with special needs involved. Often debate ensues concerning whether or not a child has a special need. This is particularly true when one of the involved parents does not accept a special needs diagnosis. This is a typical scenario when a mild form of autism is suspected or even confirmed in a child. Children with mild autism are often able to mask their differences and copy others behavior, making them appear neurotypical when in reality, they may be suffering great emotional pain, as well as, neurobiological challenges. These conditions set a child up for failure and put them at risk for bullying, suicide, aggressive behaviors and society dropout. It is imperative children with even a very mild case of autism receive supports and interventions throughout their developmental years, and for as long as necessary, to insure the best possible outcome and quality of life for said child.

Entire family dynamics must be considered when deciding with whom the child should be placed with for majority custody arrangements. For example, if there are siblings, extended but involved family members, or even a well-loved animal that will be left behind upon a divorce, the ramifications for the child with autism can be devastating. The effect of change in routines, change in environment, separation from loved ones and trusted pets, separation from what is known in general, creates neurobiological havoc within a person who has a developmental delay; the kind of havoc that is often unable to return from.

When deciding what is best for the child when a suspected diagnosis of autism is in question, it is essential a team of professionals including judges, attorneys, developmental psychologists, developmental pediatricians and mediators be involved (Friesen, Giliberti, Katz-Leavy, Osher, & Pullmann, 2003). Never, should one caseworker or specialist be the determining factor in such situations. A team approach is the only way to ascertain the child’s placement largely because the autism diagnosis is so often misunderstood and too easily missed by one expert. A group approach to custody decisions is particularly important should a parent involved in a custody decision be unable or unwilling to provide support services for the child.

Resource:

Friesen, B. J., Giliberti, M., Katz-Leavy, J., Osher, T., & Pullmann, M. D. (2003). Research in the service of policy change: The custody problem. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders, 11, 39-47.

Related post: Letter for the Court

4 Comments

Tracey

4/10/2015 12:09:37 am

Your comments regards autism and custody hit a nerve with me. When my two were younger I had major concerns regards my son in particular whose behaviour and difficulties at school and home required quite a bit of intervention. He got only part of it. His father refused to even entertain the possibility of our son being autistic. The changes in routines between homes were significant and ongoing distress for my son, and his sister. As the children's father was a working professional, I felt virtually zero support from family counselling and court related appointments. No one seemed to listen to my serious concerns. The father emphasised education; but provided limited support. Father refused counselling with me at family relationship centre, (court appointed), and missed another family court counselling session which included our children. The court seemed to view the father as being 'all knowing' despite the appalling symptoms and distress our children suffered in his care. Sadly my son developed serious depression and anxiety, as did our daughter. My son dropped out of high school partly due to bullying which was significant- including having his laptop smashed and coming home with bruises at times. Being left out with peers as he had trouble in social situations, writing disability etc. Having to sleep at a different house on certain days caused wetting etc etc. My daughter finished year 10 via distance education. She also hated the changes between homes and major social issues at school similar to her brother. Both children stopped contact with their father due to ongoing stress and at times, being scared of their fathers aggressive attitude in his relationship with them, this also was lifelong. As I said I was ignored by court system and more importantly, the children also felt that their issues with changeovers, their fathers treatment of them, etc were not being taken seriously. Today my son is 20 - still suffers significant anxiety, no relationship with father and has been formally diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum with OCD and doesn't leave home without a family member. He has amazing memory for history facts from all over the world. My daughter is 19, has no relationship with father. Has also been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, with anxiety, depression and occasional panic attacks. She can go out if she plans out her journey, but getting her to resume her education has been difficult due to anxiety. My two are clear examples of children completely failed by the family court in Australia. Of course it's hard on any child when mum and dad split up. Worse if violence, whether emotional or physical has occurred and harder still if on the autism spectrum due to changes, and professionals around family courts not screening or looking out for undiagnosed autistic dads (or mums).

katie

12/31/2016 12:21:51 am

Dear Tracey

My story is almost identical to yours and I'm preparing to go back to court. my eldest is 12 and has autism and is not coping at all with current arrangement. he's self harming, threatening to kill himself chewing his own skin and cutting himself with scissors all because of the dreadful toxic environment at dads.(dad is also on the spectrum) Yes dad is aware of the agony our child is going through and does nothing!! He is torturing the child to punish me and no one believes you or takes you seriously .Our only hope is the Custody Evaluation coming up, I just pray that this person will see what a disaster our current situation is and do something before my child seriously harms himself or tries to take his own life.

Aleda

4/17/2015 09:08:41 am

How utterly tragic for your family. In my day no one knew anything about AS so I don't blame anyone for how my childhood (and adulthood) played out. So sad that there is such resistance instead of an eager reaching out for all the supports that exist to help give each of us a chance at a happy life.

5/12/2018 08:11:07 am

The best interest of the child is supposed to be paramount, however, in every case I've become familiar with it seems like the custody arrangement is set up to look good enough for all involved. The parents needs ir wants arw supposed to be completely disregarded. Yet the custody arrangement for our 2 special needs children are custom tailored to my exs work schedule which changes every single week. The ONLY way my kids learn is thru repetition and routine. How can that ever happen when they can't count on where they will be any given day? More legislation is needed to protect these children who need it most. Simply adding "any other special consideration" is not good enough for the factors used when determining custody and custody schedule. NO child should have to suffer bc thier parents couldn't cut it, but it happens. But in any and every case where it's possible to not disrupt a child's life due to divorce every step should be taken to do so. Courts say they want to keep things fair -but to whom? How is it fair to put additional strain on children that could be avoided. Family court cases aren't supposed to have a winner, it doesn't look that way to me. I personally know of 14 different custody and support matters that involve special needs children, including my own, and in every single one the non working parent (not by choice, but bc being a parent to a special needs child is constant, no matter what the severity is- there's always SOMETHING) was assigned an income, thus reducing the working parents support obligation. But again, in every case, the working parent didn't increase thier own emotional educational and psychological efforts to make up for the time the other parent had to spend away from thier children bc they had to start working. Instead these kids, who cannot defend or speak for themselves, had to go to daycare. The end result of 2 of these families are too tragic to get into here, but how on earth is this fair to the kids? It may seem like I'm talking about the money- I'm not- I'm talking about everything else. Why does court think, make decisions, as if the financial needs are so much more important to actually caring for a child? Doesn't court realize a special needs child- AND THE PARENT WHO DOES THE TAKING CARE OF- would give everything up just so the kid could stay in thier own bedroom? It's awful what these kids are forced to endure. And will probably never understand why.

Custody and Autism – Not an Easy Bridge to Build or Cross

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